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How To Recognize Your Wealth Wounds

money wounds money tree

Now that I’m back in the groove again, I want to start out right away and ‘fess up that writing this post is truly buttock-clenching.  I am sharing in the hope that anyone in the same situation as me might find some encouragement to deal with their money issues.  I have some beliefs around money that are seriously limiting me and I’m going to be writing a series about what I’m doing to heal myself of these.

So what exactly IS a wealth wound?  It’s a negative belief associated with wealth.  I’ve got Tony Robbins to thank for recognizing these, which I might add are many and varied.  You name it, I’ve got it when it comes to wealth wounds and so in the name of naming, shaming and ultimately healing here’s my list.

  • Money doesn’t grow on trees
  • There’s not enough to go around
  • It’s too expensive
  • We can’t afford it
  • Money is dirty
  • Money is shameful
  • It’s greedy to want more than the absolute minimum
  • You have to do bad things to get it
  • People who have lots of money are shallow
  • I am not worthy of financial abundance
  • You have to work hard and sell your soul to get money
  • Money is the root of all evil
  • People who have lots of money “stand on other people’s necks to get it”

Now that they’re all written down and not spinning around in my head causing chaos they’re laughable.  And conflicting.  That last one is outstanding –  I can remember being told that quite clearly and evidently it’s hung around doing no good whatsoever.  Clearly these beliefs are not serving me well and it is TIME FOR THEM TO BEGONE!

For many,  especially us baby boomers we absorbed these lessons in childhood either consciously or unconsciously and we’ve been carting them round behind us like heavy luggage ever since.  Well its time to drop those bags!

So how do we recognize our wealth wounds:

  1. Gather together your ingredients – a pencil, lots of paper and half an hour of uninterrupted time
  2. Set a timer for ten minutes and write down any beliefs you have associated with money.  If you’re finding it hard to get into the groove start with positive beliefs and  eventually the negative ones will crawl out from where they’ve been hiding.
  3. When time is up, corral all the negatives on to one clean sheet of paper.
  4. Read them and laugh – aren’t they absurd when written down?  And frequently conflicting.
  5. Now that you’ve recognized them, take some big deep breaths (because if you’re like me this would have been painful) and give yourself a massive pat on the back.  Congratulations!  You’ve taken the first step.

May this be of use to you.

Robx

 

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Personal Brands: Why You Should Have One

adventuresbeforedementia #heart“Happiness is when you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”       Mahatma Gandhi

And the Mahatma should know ’bout that stuff..

I have spent a truck load of time working on my personal brand in the last year or so.  My personal brand is #heart, and that’s my logo up above.   Behind this a credo which is the guts of it all.  For me living with #heart means acting with courage, intuition and love – this is my credo.  I’ve written about it before here, and about being authentic in my previous post here.

Working through all this took a great deal of time and I’ve written about it here but its been the most worthwhile exercise I’ve probably ever done, because it forced me to get to the heart of who I am and what I stand for, and because of this it now enables me to truly live my values. A personal brand says to the world “this is who I am” and more importantly “this is what I stand for”  As an individual it is incredibly important to me to live my values and what’s more its brought far more harmony to my life, and consequently more happiness.   It’s a wonderful feeling when all the parts of you are heading in the same direction.  Does that sound odd?  I used to feel scattered, with bits of me all over the place.  This process has enabled me to metaphorically gather myself back together and progress.  I imagined all those scattered little pieces tied to me with tiny ropes and all pulling in different directions, not a helpful image. But now I’m whole.  Phew!    The Mahatma was spot on with that quote at the beginning of this piece.

Figuring out my personal brand then made it  super easy to design a logo with the help of a professional.  It took about an hour of her time all up.  Instead of messing round with a bunch of random ideas I’d done 90 percent of the thinking before I even got to the designer, so I saved money.

Here’s why you need your own brand.

  1.  Decision making is easier because you filter it through your credo which is values based.
  2. You save money on products because you already know what is going to be in alignment with your values – 90 percent of the hard work is done when you work out your brand.
  3. You can apply your brand to your online presence – it becomes your image to the world.  People immediately know what you’re all about.  It doesn’t take a whole heap of effort on their part.
  4. Being able to stand up for what you believe in gives an amazing sense of self respect.
  5. Life is so much more efficient when you’re not fighting against yourself all the time!

I really really recommend going through this process, most of the work involved is thinking and that costs nothing.

May this be of use to you

Robx

 

On Being Authentic

I had what Oprah calls an “aha” moment this morning during meditation.  It concerned the theme of my life.  You know how we all seem to have one overarching issue in our lives which keeps recurring until we deal with it?   For some it’s addiction,  for others it’s maintaining a long term relationship, or dealing with ill health.  Well for me it’s being true to myself.  And the myself that’s been showing up for a large part of my life has not been authentic.  It’s been the 1960’s white middle class female that I was brought up as.

Which would have been fine if it worked for me, but it didn’t.  All that good girl stuff about not being a tomboy, speaking quietly (well THAT didn’t work out!), being “a lady” whatever-the-hell-that-is.  I realized I’ve spent far too long fitting in, shutting up and shutting down.  Being quiet, not owning my feelings, my voice.  The recurring theme of my childhood was a parent saying ” you just have to be different don’t you?”  Ending up in a very conventional step-family didn’t help.  I seemed to be in trouble without even trying, just because I thought differently.  And being shamed for it.  Sadly, the result was that I tried so hard to fit in when I should have been running the other way.  Fast.  I always felt that there was something wrong with me.  I didn’t measure up and was somehow less worthy than everyone else and full of shame because of it.  And then to top it all off I became a librarian, how much more conventional can you get?    It’s getting harder and harder to stay in that box of conventionality where I’ve been all my life – the sides are bulging and the lid’s about to explode off.

After some fast walking and vigorous housework (always therapeutic!) today I decided game over.  End of. Caput. Fini.  The hell with fitting in.  I’ve finally grown up.

I chose my hashtag heart logo for this site because I wanted to live with heart.  All of my best decisions have been the ones where I’ve followed my heart and I’ve been authentic.  Now it’s time to put my money where my mouth is and actually do it.  Be creative, live life to the full and be the real me,  and on the way encourage others to do the same.  Life’s too short for anything else.

May this be of use to you

Rob

Goals revisited

 

Goals, workharder

The photo at the top of this piece pretty much says it all.  I need to work harder.  Most of us need to work harder.  We think things should be handed to us on a plate, but the truth is, anything that comes that easy isn’t valued.  For a thing to be treasured there must be work involved and the overcoming of difficulties.  Especially the overcoming of difficulties, for it is this that allows us to grow as individuals.  In the past I’ve set goals but really they’ve been more like dreams and I’ve never achieved any of them.

Anyway, I’ve decided to share my goals.  If you look back at previous posts I have written about goals you will see that the specific goals have changed somewhat.  That’s because in learning about myself I’ve been able to refine what I really really want.  I’m also learning that I need to change my associations with some of the things I’m working towards or I’ll never achieve them, because my subconscious is working against me.  Y’all hear me subconscious?? We need to be in this boat together and rowing in the same direction.  For example I have reframed exercise into something that gives me energy, strength and confidence as opposed to making me out of breath and anxious.  Big difference.

So here’s my goals for 2017.  Laugh if you like.  No don’t.  This is really a piece of my heart, and I’m sharing in the hope that it helps someone else.

  1.  Weigh 70kg or less
  2. Have earned $100,000 or more
  3. Have 1000 plus followers on social media

All to be achieved by 31 December 2017.   Or bust.

What I’ve learned is that if I don’t track them very closely progress slips;  I kind of lose focus, so everything gets recorded on my wall calendar and so far it’s working well, except for number two.  I AM earning, but nowhere near that much.  I’m focusing on cultivating abundance and recording my earnings each day, as well as being open to ideas to create extra income streams.  If anyone has any bright ideas do let me know!!

Anyway here I am at 9.00pm writing this and two more crappy pages, after a full on day cleaning cars.  This is me working harder.

May this be of use to you-:)

 

 

 

 

On Anger

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Picture this:  Its a fine sunny Sunday in mid summer, you’ve just been for a relaxed coffee with friends and you’re heading to their place for lunch.  On the way you drop into the local deli to pick up a few items.  But as you walk in the door there’s someone from the past who is definitely NOT happy to see you and glares at you like you’re something he’s scraped off his shoe.  Well that’s a downbuzz.

This happened to me recently.  It caused some unwanted emotions  for a couple of hours until I got in control of my state.  One of which was how hugely upset I felt all over again,  for being unfairly judged by others,  who for some reason feel they can look down their nose at me.  It dragged up a whole lot of old “stuff” about my redundancy I thought that I’d finally laid to rest.  Afterwards  came the anger.  Not a slash and burn fury,  but a slow burning icy “well, screw you buddy.”

As a woman anger doesn’t sit well with me.  I grew up in middle class New Zealand in the sixties and seventies.  Girls were “good” and it was most definitely unladylike to express your anger which meant  we didn’t get the opportunity to learn how to be healthily angry.  We  either laid waste to all about us or turned it inwards and ate ourselves alive.  I tended towards the latter course of action and  have lived with depression for a large part of my adult life, interspersed with the odd bout of landscape-razing fury.   Neither of which approaches are ultimately beneficial.  But no more.  Only now at 55 have I learned (and am still learning) how to be mad, angry, furious, ticked off, pissed, whatever label you want to give that particular emotion, in an empowering fashion.

So now that I’m dealing with my anger in a more empowering way what am I going to do about the haters like Mr Man in the Deli?  Well I’ll show them –  not as a tit-for-tat, childish “I’ll show you!” reaction;  but  determinedly live a life of richness, fulfillment, happiness and gratitude.  Anger can be acidic and destroying or it can be rocket fuel to propel us forwards towards our goals.  I choose rocket fuel, and the key is I CHOOSE.  Again it’s about controlling your state and choosing your reaction to any given situation.

Yes! to loving my family, enjoying my friends, achieving my goals, living in happiness and contributing to my community.  Yes! to writing this blog in the hope that it may be of slight use to someone else, Yes! to being visible, Yes! to having a voice and using it.

 

 

 

Finally! A 5am routine that works

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Ever since my kids were small I’ve been attempting to get out of bed earlier, get myself organised, have the house tidy,  the meals planned, meditate, write in my journal, revisit my goals, exercise ……and the list goes on,  yada yada yada – you get it.  With varying degrees of success I might add.  Generally it took superhuman effort on my part to haul myself out of bed to face the debris of the previous day scattered about the house.  A pile of dirty dishes on the kitchen bench is not a welcoming prospect at 5am.  Nor is a freezing cold winter morning in the South Island of New Zealand.

After banging my head against a metaphorical brick wall for years I finally woke up (ouch! apologies for the bad pun) to the fact that this approach WASN’T WORKING.

Finally, this year I’ve cobbled together a methoId that works really well for me.  I have tried many routines suggested by success gurus but none of them worked for me.  In the end I had to develop my own. It stemmed from the idea of surrounding myself with greatness – I needed to create an environment that supported me and my goals rather than trying to squeeze myself into an “ideal routine” created by someone else.  So here’s the lessons I’ve learned:

2.  Start the night before.  I revisit the day I’ve just had, assess how it’s gone and plan for the next day.  Currently I’m working hard on producing content and promoting this blog and I have a series of goals and a plan around that, so I figure out what I want to achieve the next day.  I also set up my breakfast stuff and clothes for the next day.  The more I set up the night before the less I have to think about at 5am the next morning when I’m stumbling around half asleep.

2.  Have prompts that work for YOU. I use my alarm clock.  I have a wake up alarm, a get out of bed alarm, a make breakfast alarm, a time to go exercise alarm etc..  That way I don’t have to think too hard in the morning – are you noticing a theme here???  Just do what works for you so that you get done the things you need to each morning.

3. Adapt your routine to circumstances.  Feeling unwell?  Stay in bed and do as much of your routine from there. Pushed for time?  Pick a section of your routine and skip that part instead of abandoning the whole thing.  When its really cold I crawl back into bed with my laptop and write posts from there.  This is your routine – make sure that it works for YOU.

4.  Divide your morning into sections covering Spiritual, Mental and Physical so that you’ve got all areas covered before you walk out the door.

So here’s what I do:

5.00 am  – Wake up alarm.  Open eyes and contemplate getting up

5.15 am – Get up alarm.  Get out of bed. Drink water with lemon and make coffee.  Drink coffee!  Watch inspirational and educational  videos.  Meditate.   Visualize goals.

6.00 am – Make breakfast.  Eat it.

6.30 am – Work on blog and business

7.30am – Exercise alarm….

8.00 am   Shower and get ready for work at paid job.  Make lunch etc

8.30 am  Leave home

When I leave home now I know that I have all MY priorities covered and I can then focus on my paid job.  What I believe is that I need to give the best of myself to ME not to my employer.  I always make sure that me and my goals come first now. Don’r get me wrong I still work hard at my paid job, but the very best of me is reserved just for me and building my business.  To do anything else would be selling myself short. And I have a bunch of stuff I want to achieve in the rest of my life and I’m already half way through.  Gotta hustle NOW.

This is what works for me – I’d love to know what your routine is if you have one that works for you.  Please comment!

 

 

 

 

 

Step by step

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My mother used to describe me as going at things “like a bull at a gate”,  like a “bull in a china shop” or like a “fairy elephant”.  Quite apart from the unflattering references to large heavy animals,  I think she may have had a point.  Enthusiasm rather than execution tended to rule the day on many of my projects.

As I gather more life experiences (ha!  there’s a nice euphemism for getting older) I’m realizing that enthusiasm and energy can be a double edged sword. Intrinsically, they are great qualities to have, BUT in the race to embrace the goal, so many of the important learning opportunities and experiences get overlooked.   I’m learning to have patience, focus on the details and to take it slower and to let events unfold at their own pace.  In other words enjoying the step by step process rather than rushing headlong to the outcome.  So here’s to a bit of quiet but steady and sustained exploring, and some very modest goal setting.

As Will Smith said ” a wall is built one brick at a time”  and Lao Tzu “every journey begins with a single step” AND I might add, every adventure.

My goals for now are:

  • To do one full pull up
  • To lose the last of my excess weight – about 8kg
  • Reach 100 followers on social media
  • To increase my regular income by $100 a week

So there they are – my very modest goals.  The aim is to crack them by 31 December 2016. I’ll keep you posted.