Picture this: Its a fine sunny Sunday in mid summer, you’ve just been for a relaxed coffee with friends and you’re heading to their place for lunch. On the way you drop into the local deli to pick up a few items. But as you walk in the door there’s someone from the past who is definitely NOT happy to see you and glares at you like you’re something he’s scraped off his shoe. Well that’s a downbuzz.
This happened to me recently. It caused some unwanted emotions for a couple of hours until I got in control of my state. One of which was how hugely upset I felt all over again, for being unfairly judged by others, who for some reason feel they can look down their nose at me. It dragged up a whole lot of old “stuff” about my redundancy I thought that I’d finally laid to rest. Afterwards came the anger. Not a slash and burn fury, but a slow burning icy “well, screw you buddy.”
As a woman anger doesn’t sit well with me. I grew up in middle class New Zealand in the sixties and seventies. Girls were “good” and it was most definitely unladylike to express your anger which meant we didn’t get the opportunity to learn how to be healthily angry. We either laid waste to all about us or turned it inwards and ate ourselves alive. I tended towards the latter course of action and have lived with depression for a large part of my adult life, interspersed with the odd bout of landscape-razing fury. Neither of which approaches are ultimately beneficial. But no more. Only now at 55 have I learned (and am still learning) how to be mad, angry, furious, ticked off, pissed, whatever label you want to give that particular emotion, in an empowering fashion.
So now that I’m dealing with my anger in a more empowering way what am I going to do about the haters like Mr Man in the Deli? Well I’ll show them – not as a tit-for-tat, childish “I’ll show you!” reaction; but determinedly live a life of richness, fulfillment, happiness and gratitude. Anger can be acidic and destroying or it can be rocket fuel to propel us forwards towards our goals. I choose rocket fuel, and the key is I CHOOSE. Again it’s about controlling your state and choosing your reaction to any given situation.
Yes! to loving my family, enjoying my friends, achieving my goals, living in happiness and contributing to my community. Yes! to writing this blog in the hope that it may be of slight use to someone else, Yes! to being visible, Yes! to having a voice and using it.